The Revenge of the Monkey
by Rinne
Summary: Tag to Monkey Brains. We came, we saw, Jackson got peed upon by a space monkey. Spoilers for first half of season 9. COMPLETE


Title: The revenge of the monkey

Rating: Teen

Spoilers: Start of season 9 of SG-1

Disclaimer: I own nothing, not being paid.

Notes: Tag to Monkey Brains, as requested by jennukes.

Summary: We came, we saw, Jackson got peed upon by a space monkey.

"All right, SG-1," General Landry said as he sat down at the head of the table. "Dr Lam has explained your unique situation, so we should get this debriefing started."

His gaze settled on each member of the team. Mitchell couldn't keep still, Jackson had his head resting on the table, Carter was fidgeting slightly and glancing from Mitchell to Jackson and back, and Teal'c was his usual Zen self.

"Colonel Mitchell?" Landry prompted when he kept on twirling from side to side in his chair.

The chair abruptly stopped moving as he focused on Landry. "What's there to tell, Sir?" Mitchell smiled. "We came, we saw, Jackson got peed upon by a space monkey."

"Hey," Jackson protested without lifting his head, sounding like a stuffed up sheep. "I thought we agreed to leave that part out."

"But it's the most entertaining part, Captain Simian."

Landry looked on in wonder as Jackson gave Mitchell the finger and Mitchell flicked Jackson's ear. He expected a brawl to start, but Jackson didn't respond. He understood why, a few seconds later, when an F-302 started up in the room. One down...

"Allergies," Carter said almost apologetically as the noise continued. She shifted a little on her chair as Mitchell flicked Jackson's ear again to no reaction before looking back to Landry. "Dr Lam thinks he's allergic to the monkey."

"Right." Landry tried to get the briefing back on track. "Did you account for the energy readings?"

"No," Carter said. "We got a little side tracked. And I don't think we'd be welcomed back." Her gaze wandered again over to Mitchell. "Sir."

"Yeah." Mitchell's head bobbed. "I don't think the little flea-bitten furballs were exactly too fond-"

There was a loud crash as his eyes closed, his body relaxed and his head smacked onto the table, rebounding slightly at the impact. Landry and Carter winced in sympathy.

"Are you sure that this is normal?" Landry said to Carter.

"Yes, Sir. Dr Lam was very sure that this would happen, and that as long as we were breathing, we would be fine."

"Well, they're certainly breathing." Landry smiled humourlessly. It seemed like Jackson might not have been the only one allergic to the monkey.

Carter pressed her lips together in a pained smile. "Oh, yes, most definitely. You can _always_ tell that Cameron is breathing."

The General added that to the fount of knowledge that he carried around in his head. You never knew when something might become useful.

"Indeed," Teal'c added with a raised eyebrow.

"All right," Landry said, trying to take charge again, "why won't we be welcomed back?"

Colonel Carter rested her head on the table, with a quiet questioning "Sir". General Landry nodded in response – he did not want her to have a headache like Mitchell would have.

"It appears that the monkey-like creatures are sentient and didn't particularly like us."

"And why exactly would that be?" Landry asked, reasonably sure that he wouldn't like the answer. He didn't think that he'd like SG-1 either, considering their current behaviour.

"It appears that the mammal-like creatures are much like Daniel Jackson," Teal'c said, nodding slightly in Jackson's direction. Landry imagined hundreds of little Daniel Jacksons with tails and fur. It wasn't a pretty sight.

"Ah, they appear to pick up languages really quickly, Sir. And with the way that we've all been affected by the pollen in the air, they didn't exactly get the best first impression of us."

"Indeed," Teal'c said. "They requested that we leave using their middle-"

"I think I get the picture," Landry interrupted. "Well, there's not much…Colonel Carter?" Her eyes had blinked shut and not reopened. "Well, I guess that's the end to the briefing, unless you've got anything else to add, Teal'c?"

"The mammal-like creature appeared to like me the best." Teal'c smiled.

With that confirmation that every member of SG-1 had been affected, Landry left the room and its occupants to the capable hands of the medical team.

Just when you thought you'd seen it all, SG-1 happened. At least they wouldn't remember it in the morning.


End file.
